Life Skills Archive

Have you ever been let down? Been promised a pony – but delivered a pigeon? Today we are discussing disappointment.

Wow – that’s a pretty depressing topic…
Maybe you’re disappointed that we are talking about this…

Maybe you’ve been jilted at the alter.
Maybe you’ve been dumped for no good reason.
Maybe you were expecting to get that great job- but they never called back
Maybe your application for housing was ready to go, but something slammed the door shut.

Many people in our class shared stories of disappointment. Some were from childhood, others were from this past week.  Three different people I spoke with shared stories of depression and thoughts of suicide – all based on disappointment.

I carry an umbrella in my car. Why? Was it raining today? It’s always in there. Why? I also always have a jacket packed away in my backpack. Why? Do I need a jacket most days in Dallas?
I guarantee you – it is going to rain. It may not be today, or even tomorrow – but sometime after now – it is going to rain.

Disappointment is the same.
It may not happen today or even tomorrow, but sometime after now – it is going to happen.
(some of you are asking yourself if I brought candy. Man that would be a great illustration for disappointment )

So what are we going to do about being disappointed?
We’ve got some steps to consider – the next time you get disappointed.

• God is in control ( this does not mean that he caused the disappointment, or that he ignored you and therefore allowed the disappointment, it means that even when life falls apart, know that God is still on the throne, of course we are still trying to destroy His world, kill each other, and mess up everything He created to be perfect )
• Life is not fair - and that is a great thing.
 I am so glad that I don’t get what I deserve. We have a terrible habit at complaining about everything. But if we really received what we deserved, our lives would be much shorter.
• God has a plan – sometimes this one is hard for me. Is it God’s plan for bad things to happen? Well I know what the Bible says. In 1 Jn it says “God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.” God’s plan is all good because he is all good. Is there anyone in the Bible who had this perfect storybook life where nothing bad ever happened? Well then why should we expect anything different? Where did we get the idea that we are not supposed to be disappointed?  It’s not wrong to be mad that you are disappointed – but it’s not God’s fault. Bad stuff happens. And great stuff happens. I know that God has a plan – because I have read the play book. And not surprisingly, you are included in this plan. It has to do with Jesus and you.
• Decide – you can decide if you will let this disappointment set you back, hold you down, tear you up and break you. Or, you can say NO. No – you will not be broken, no this will not keep you down, no you will not give up, no you will not give in.  You decide.  A decision is also needed in God’s plan. He’s in control. Life is not fair and you have to deal with sin that you can’t afford to pay for. God has a plan that includes you – and Jesus – and you have the decision. 
 You can decide to let Jesus deal with your sin, or you can just continue to exist with this huge sin debt. You decide.
• Live. This is based on the decision. I faced this choice years ago with a shotgun in my mouth. You must make this decision when disappointment shows up in your life. Will this kill you? Whenever one of my children get hurt I always ask them – are you gonna live? When disappointment shows up – I ask you – are you gonna live? Is this going to ruin your life? Can you go on?
  Some decision are easy.  What about your eternity. How disappointed would you be if you woke up – in a coffin. Or if you found out that after you die – there really is something – and it was about God, and you found out that life really wasn’t fair, and God had a plan that included you – and included Jesus as His plan to save you – and you had to decide… – and you never did – and you want to live   -forever – with him, but…

He is in control…. not you.
Life is not fair… you have the potential to be saved from what you deserve.
God has a plan… and it includes you and Jesus.
You can decide…will you accept Jesus or choose to not be saved?
Live… Only with Jesus will you truly know what it means to live.

This week we look at “Personal Dignity”.  How you value yourself directs how well you take care of yourself. We look at our value from the world’s perspective and God’s viewpoint.

If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

Do you like who you are?

Why – Why not?

I have had days where I couldn’t stand to look at the guy in the mirror. I didn’t like him at all. When I was in the depth of my addiction – it was much worse.

Write down the names you have been called. Think of the worst things people have said about you. Think of the worst things that you have though about yourself.

Mine was – “I deserve to die today”

Tonight we are discussing personal dignity. What does this mean?

Dignity:
1: the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed
2 a: high rank, office, or position b: a legal title of nobility or honor
3 archaic : dignitary
4: formal reserve or seriousness of manner, appearance, or language

Root cause of eating disorder: Self Hatred
Eating disorders, cutting, alcoholism, cutting, any destructive, sabatoging yourself, sex addiction, using your body to hurt yourself, giving yourself away

Ecclesiastes 2
16 For the wise and the foolish both die. The wise will not be remembered any longer than the fool. In the days to come, both will be forgotten.
17 So I came to hate life because everything done here under the sun is so troubling. Everything is meaningless—like chasing the wind.
18 I came to hate all my hard work here on earth, for I must leave to others everything I have earned. 19 And who can tell whether my successors will be wise or foolish? Yet they will control everything I have gained by my skill and hard work under the sun. How meaningless! 20 So I gave up in despair, questioning the value of all my hard work in this world.

That was me.

Let we read something else

So why didn’t I check out early? Where could I find value in myself?

I was lied to.
I was told that
my value was in my talent
my value was in my looks
my value was in my skills
my value was in my family
my value was in my health
my value was in my job
my value was in my wealth

If you believe those things -  you are believing a lie.

Where is your value?

Let’s start over – at the beginning… the very beginning.

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth…

Genesis 1: 26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”

27 So God created human beings in his own image.
In the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

Created in the image of God.
So what happened… What went wrong?

Sin/Curse

illustration with paper – ugly paper makes ugly copies

So are we broken? redeemable? Can we be saved from this condition?

How can we return to the “Imago Dei”?

Created in the image of God. What does that mean?

Let’s talk about what Jesus said:

Matthew 11:28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

When you think about yourself – your self worth – are you weary? Do you carry burdens? Do you want rest?

And when you think – you are not WORTH any effort, that you are not worthy of any help, when you think you are not valuable to anyone – how do these words hit you?

Hebrews 12:2 He is the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3  For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

What did he do – to show you how much he values you?

He did that then… and he is still speaking to you today.

John 1:10 He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him.11 He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.12 But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.13 They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.
14 So the Word became humans and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.s And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.

God loves you and has a plan for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.12 In those days when you pray, I will listen.13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Tonight we discussed Life Management – How to set Priorities, have Accountability for those – and complete them with Time Management. These three subtopics are so closely related that we need to discuss them together.

How do you start to manage your life?

Who can help you here?
Do you ask a fat person how to loose weight?
Do you ask a broke person how to manage money?
Do you ask directions from someone who is lost?
Find a good source.

Accountability
Why do you need Accountability?
Like an “Accountant” – and accountability partner knows the books. They know the details, the health of the individual.
Who asks you the hard questions?
Who do you trust to share your life with?

Priorities
How do you set priorities?
What is a priority?
How do you determine what the “main thing” is?

Time Management
Why don’t you have enough time?

You need to know the rules of life. What are the rules? We will cover those next week.

Let’s talk about where we’ve been

First night we talked about – where we would like to be in a year.
Some of you said…

Let’s start that again – where would you like to be in a year or two – what stage of your life? What level of stability?

Then we talked about things that are in the the way from you getting there.
We discussed… – What do you remember about these topics?

Anger – (Give it away)
Keeping and Job -
Stress – (Give it away)
Fear – (Give it away)
Money Management
Life Management

Let’s talk about where we are
We’re at the bridge….
No – where we are spiritually…

I don’t know about you – but for years I was struggling.
I thought my addiction – helped me forget about my depression and lack of self worth. I thought it helped. I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself right?

Depression => addiction => suicide attempt => more depression => more addiction…
it wouldn’t stop.

And then I recognized the truth found in these words…

We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

There are many more steps – but those three changed my life, and it also changed Bill’s.

If you read the AA big book – you can read Bill W’s story.

From Bill’s Story (Alcoholics Anonymous)
The door opened and he stood there, fresh-skinned and glowing. There was something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different. What had happened?
I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn’t himself.

“Come, what’s all this about?” I queried.

He looked straight at me. Simply, but smilingly, he said,
“I’ve got religion.”

I was aghast. So that was it — last summer an alcoholic crackpot; now, I suspected, a little cracked about religion. He had that starry-eyed look. Yes, the old boy was on fire all right. But bless his heart, let him rant! Besides, my gin would last longer than his preaching.

But he did no ranting. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That was two months ago and the result was self-evident. It worked!

He had come to pass his experience along to me — if I cared to have it. I was shocked, but interested. Certainly I was interested. I had to be, for I was hopeless.

He talked for hours. Childhood memories rose before me. I could almost hear the sound of the preacher’s voice as I sat, on still Sundays, way over there on the hillside; there was that proffered temperance pledge I never signed; my grandfather’s good natured contempt of some church fold and their doings; his insistence that the spheres really had their music; but his denial of the preacher’s right to tell him how he must listen; his fearlessness as he spoke of these things just before he died; these recollections welled up from the past. They made me swallow hard.

That war-time day in old Winchester Cathedral came back again.

I had always believed in a Power greater that myself. I had often pondered these things. I was not an atheist. Few people really are, for that means blind faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes no where. My intellectual heroes, the chemists, the astronomers, even the evolutionist, suggested vast laws and forces at work. Despite contrary indications, I had little doubt that a might purpose and rhythm underlay all. How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor limitation. But that was as far as I had gone.

With ministers, and the world’s religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.
To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching — most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.

The wars which had been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious dispute had facilitated, made me sick I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good. Judging from what I had seen in Europe and since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest. If there was a Devil, he seemed the Boss Universal, and he
certainly had me.

But my friend sat before me, and he made the pointblank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known!

Had this power originated in him? Obviously it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute; and this was none at all.

That floored me. It began to look as though religious people were right after all. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible. My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted great tidings.

I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.

Despite the living example of my friend there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was intensified. I didn’t like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. I have since talked with scores of men who felt the same way.

My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?”

That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.

It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would!

Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.

The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me — and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.

Some of you heard about God a long time ago – but something happened. You forgot, or maybe a bad experience with a bad Christian, maybe it was a reality that this wasn’t going to fix you in a day – maybe it was a misunderstanding – or maybe too much criticism or hypocrisy in the church…

We cannot talk about Life Management – without talking about the giver of life.
Why?

Who knows best how to manage your life – but the one who gave it to you.

Since the original creation – man has been running from God, trying is own thing
Somehow many of those “things we try” get between us and God.

I want you to watch a video of this. It’s a drama performed a group of kids. In the opening you will see a character to represents God – who created this person in his image. And then you will see her do what I did – but things between me and God.

So what are the things that you put between you and God?

AA starts with a moral inventory, nature of our wrongs, defects of character, ask God to remove our shortcomings, made a list of all persons we had harmed, make amends, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

So I’m carrying the message today – to you. Everyone needs to know their higher power. Now I’m not vague and I’m not going to pretend – I’m preaching Christ.

This day is very significant. This is the day that we celebrate the death of Jesus Christ.

Even if you are not a Christian – think about what this great man did.
He died for the sins of the world. He died for you.

He wants the relationship between you and Him to be restored. How do you do that?

AA says: 3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him

The Bible Says:

Romans 10:9
9)That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10) For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
13) “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

This week we look at the topic of Money Management. For most, the question always comes up – “If I don’t have much money – why do I need to learn how to manage it?”. That’s exactly the problem!

Money – you never have enough.  Where did it all go?

We started with a few discussion questions:

• Do you have any money?
• Do you have too little money?
• Do you have to much money?
• What did your grandparents teach you about money?
• What is the biggest investment that you will ever have? (job)

Steps to Get in Control of your money!

1. Record where your money goes.
2. Organize your bills
3. Create a realistic budget including giving and saving
4. Find an accountability partner
5. Pray

Proverbs 22:7 (New International Version)
7 The rich rule over the poor,
and the borrower is servant to the lender.

Every Money Management plan should include:

1. Pray – ask for guidance and direction
2. Plan – It’s not “if” you’ll have an emergency, it’s “when it happens what will you do.” Plan for emergencies. Plan for rainy days.
3. Save – A top priority should be to save a portion of everything that you make. How will you ever buy a car or pay for your first apartment – unless you save? (See Step 2)
4. Give  – Giving back to God is an act of worship. He doesn’t need your money. You need to give back to the one who provides for you everyday. Remember the poor widow in the Bible who gave her only penny?
5. Spend Wisely – You have to spend money. Spend it where you get the most bang for the buck. Example: $5 at 7-11 will last 20 minutes. $5 at Walmart might feed you for a day or two.
6. Keep – Some people need real help. Help those who need help – but know when to tell people “no”. Don’t let people take advantage of you and don’t enable their lack of money management.

This week we looked at fear.

What is it and why are we held in its grasp?

We began by looking at the differences between Anxiety, Fear and Stress.

• Anxiety:
  1. relatively permanent state of worry and nervousness occurring in a variety of mental disorders, usually accompanied by compulsive behavior or attacks of panic)
  2. a vague unpleasant emotion that is experienced in anticipation of some (usually ill-defined) misfortune
• Fear:
  1. (an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight))
  2. (be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event) “I fear she might get aggressive”
• Stress: (psychology) a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense

The we opened up the discussion and discussed the following:
fear of death
fear of failure
fear of a wasted life
fear of loosing
fear of society
fear of unmet expectations
fear of humiliation
fear of sickness

Jesus walked on the same earth we do. He was faced with the same troubles that we are faced with. He gave us these words:
John 16:33 (New International Version)
33″I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

We looked at instances in history where fear was felt and dealt with. What did these men have in common?

• Noah – will it float?
• Moses  Exodus 3:11 11 But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” Exodus 14:10
• David – will he be able to defeat the giant? 1 Samuel 17:4 – 12 40-49
• Daniel Shadrach; Meshach; Abednego – Daniel 3 & Lion’s Den – Daniel 6

All of these men in history faced enourmous situations that would have led any of us to fear. But they previaled. Why? They gave the fear to their higher power (Step 3) and we are allowed to see their success and learn from their example.

For further reading:

Specific Phobias – Anxiety Discorders Association of America
Factsheet on Phobias – Mental Health America
Our Most Common Fears – Forbes..com
How Fear Works – Howstuffworks.com

This past week we discussed “how to keep a job”.

Our friend and OurCalling board member Chris Dance added to the discussion. Chris has years of experience in interviewing and hiring. He discussed what employers “look for” and how to “sell yourself” in an interview. He tied this into our overall topic by highlighting that if you get the job – and keep up the employers expectations – you will keep the job.

Sources for this week’s topic were:

Workplace mistakes to avoid

Ways to Keep a Job

Four Ways to Safeguard Your Job in Hard Times

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF KEEPING YOUR JOB

We ran through a mock interview and role playing with different work scenarios. We discussed a few personal stories of people being treated unfairly at work and a few people in the class that were fired for bad reasons.

Please continue to pray for people to find and keep stable employment.

Thanks,

~Wayne

My research for this topic is depressing. I cannot find one free anger management class in Dallas to refer people too. Anger is a serios concern and the number one requested topic in our class. There are many support groups, but all that I can fing on the web require an admission fee. If anyone knows of something available please share it with me.

These are the resources that I used in the class:

Anger management: Explore your anger to gain control

Controlling Anger – Before it Controls You

In this class we spent some time role playing different anger causing scenarios. We put someone in a situation where they should have gotten angry and then walked through the “best” way to deal with the situation.

We also discussed what the Bible says about Anger:

Proverbs 14:29 People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer deflects anger,but harsh words make tempers flare.
Proverbs 25:23 As surely as a north wind brings rain,so a gossiping tongue causes anger!
Proverbs 27:4 Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood,but jealousy is even more dangerous.
Proverbs 29:8 Mockers can get a whole town agitated,but the wise will calm anger.
Proverbs 29:11 Fools vent their anger,but the wise quietly hold it back.
Proverbs 30:33 As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding,so stirring up anger causes quarrels.
Colossians 3:7-9 (New Living Translation) 7 You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. 8 But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. 9 Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds.

Our first life skills class was a discovery class. I took a survey asking “what do you want this class to cover”. I admit that I don’t have all of the answers. I need the class’s input so that we can teach what they want – how they need it.

These are the top picks from our survey and the order that these topics will be covered:

1. Anger
2. Keeping and Job
3. Stress
4. Fear
5. Money Management
6. Life Management
7. Relationships

We will also cover: Accountability, Addictions, Character, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Determination, Education (GED), Ethics, Forgiveness, Goal setting, Honesty, Housing, Hygiene, Independence, Interviewing Skills, Life on Life’s terms, Life Purpose, Motivation, Personal Dignity, Responsibilities, Social Norms, Stability, Thoughtfulness, Tolerance

I am very excited about this class. This is by far the best hour of ministry I have had in the past eight years!

~Wayne